What the hell am I doing?

You could be forgiven for wondering. If, that is, you're still interested in the confused mutterings of moi. My head has been absolutely rammed with future possibilities and things to do of late, and I have not been keeping you lot in the loop nearly enough. Although that's probably for the best, because if I'd been keeping you up to date, you would have been party to a particularly irritating and dizzying bout of ping ponging between one resolution and the next. So here we are. And here's what I've been doing. First, I have decided to proceed with my mission to New York at the end of April, just after visiting Hawaii, as originally planned. That all happens approximately seven weeks from now. Holy crap. Second, the mixing and mastering of my track got delayed again, due to my engineer going on a trip to Texas. He'll be back next week though, so all should start moving again soon. I have also finally made contact with my favourite photographer, and we've been discussing concepts. All I really need to do there is set a date. So I'll do that. Third, I have sent my book proposal to an agent and another publisher, neither of which have acknowledged me in any way, shape or form. I followed up with my other publishing lead but haven't heard anything there either. Which might be a bummer, except that I've got far too much other stuff keeping me busy with my quite enormous New York City mission. And that's the beauty of being slightly scattered. If one lead goes a little limp for a time, there's a good chance another one will be sparking. Over the last maybe three weeks or so too, I've been a little free with my alcohol consumption, which I blame entirely (or at least a bit) for my extended attack of indecision. This week I've cut the silly stuff right out, and what do you know, everything suddenly seems clear, manageable and great. And so, on we go.

Blame it on the weather.

There have been blizzards in Texas, a scary monster of a cyclone in Queensland (on top of monstrous flooding), and Sydney has been a steam pit of heat and sweat and zombie-anger stemming from sleepless mosquito-ridden nights. For the record, the Queenslanders do not deserve the horrific pummeling God has been giving their part of the world recently, as far as I know, and I sincerely hope and pray for their safety and well-being. But if we're talking causes and effects, maybe the weather can be blamed for my crazy mood swings and extreme changes of mind. For the first month of this year, I've got to be honest, I've been in one hell of a mood. I have been weirdly sensitive to the irritating behaviours of others, every dumbness or awkward nerdism cutting me like a grotesquely sharp knife. I know my sense of injury has been far greater than the "offences" have really warranted. What can I say? Sometimes I behave like an unutterable beast - or react like one. I have also, during this time, felt an unholy desire for change. It's a pattern with me. I get bored really easily. It's problematic on many fronts. Mainly it means my attention is rarely held by any one project/place/occupation/idea for long. And that makes finishing things difficult, or indeed making any progress. I think in truth I'd be happiest as a gypsy (one who carried a MacBook Pro, wore expensive designer clothes, and frequented beach resorts). Anyway, as you may have noticed, my brain has been all over the place. I just keep changing my mind on what I want to do next. And it seems I may have changed my mind again. Well not really. The whole time I've wanted to do music, go to New York, and get my blog published as a book. That remains the same. But very recently I decided that in order to commit to the music, I needed to give up my immediate plans to go to New York. Now I'm not so sure. What if I took three months off work, went to New York and, while job hunting, spent my time really focusing on songwriting and recording demos on my laptop? Dedicating my days to songwriting definitely constitutes a commitment to the music. And there's a good chance I may meet a new crew of people to actually play with over there too. Plus I get the New York adventure I desperately want to have. I can look for work, while honing my craft. If I don't find a job I can come back to Sydney with better recording skills and a swag of new material. Holy shit, would someone please come and get a hold on me? Do I have any idea what I'm doing? No not really. But man, I just feel like I need to be running things in a freer way. I need to get out there and let some stuff happen. So fuck it. New York, we are back frickin' on.