I have done a crazy thing!

Since arriving in New York this morning I have been stormed by rushes of different, rather unsettling, emotions. On first hitting Manhattan in the car I felt a warm happy feeling of being back in my "home-place" and like this was absolutely the best decision I could have made. This happiness continued when I saw my hotel room, which was unexpectedly large and pleasingly hip, but was then replaced by almost paralysing fear and panic, when I realised I'd neglected to transfer various funds from one account to the next (an oversight that could see me cashless for the weekend), and that I'd forgotten about a couple of large expenses that will take a nasty little bite out of my already limited funds. I am completely unaccustomed to having no foreseeable income, and the feeling is not a pretty one. It brought me to a standstill, heart beating, feverishly biting my nails while calculations and potential disasters/solutions/embarrassments whirled through my head, and the odd fleeting wonder of whether I could maybe just back out immediately, jump on a plane and go home? I'm not sure how long I actually stood still freaking out but it was a decent little while. But then I came to my senses. I snapped out of it, walked around the block, picked up a coffee and a bagel (when in Rome) and resolved to hustle my ass into a job in any way I knew how (or didn't know how!). I decided that if it came down to it, I would work tables or bars like many an aspiring New Yorker before me. And then I set to work emailing and facebooking my contacts, and internet researching the main company I would love to work for. Then again, in today's frame of mind, I'd be deliriously happy to work for any company. It's funny how you can go from complaining bitterly about your job while you're employed, to desperately wishing for that workplace security again when you're apparently living the free, unemployed dream. It would be a different thing if one had limitless cash. But the fact is I don't. So hustle I must. And I will be fine. So then, having spent quite enough time losing my shit indoors, I decided to go and embrace my new outside world - the very definitely magical streets of New York. And I headed for the same place I always go when I need a bit of calming in this big city: Central Park. Strolling along, feeling happily orientated with my easts, wests, norths and souths, past shops and people and iconic sights and finally into the soft, leafy park with its somehow caring and protective gaze, I felt exhilarated and like I couldn't possibly soak up all of the amazingness around me but that I still wanted to try and manage it. So yes, this is definitely a crazy thing to be doing, but I'm extremely lucky and very happy that I am.

Next stop New York.

It's 7.12am and I am sitting on our big deep balcony, surveying our magical Ko Olina ocean view for the last time on this trip anyway. It has been an amazing week in paradise, packed full of swimming, sunning, drinking and socialising madly with our extended wedding crew. I've had a delicious time, made some firm new friends, managed to have a tiny holiday romance (fling?) with a lad named Frank, and spent some truly quality time with my darling Aunty Chrissy, Uncle Ken and my legendary cousins and their awesome partners. I also discovered, along with every other female in our party, a new phenomenon known as the Guy Stanaway Effect (which in the most part seemed to be silly gurglings issuing involuntarily from one's throat when in the company of the aforesaid buffed, tanned and really quite dashing "Guy") and I even sang a Rogers and Hammerstein number at the wedding (! a duet with a charming opera-singing lady called Di and a request from my Uncle Roger. My first US gig? How could I refuse? I must admit though, "Climb Every Mountain" from the Sound Of Music probably wouldn't have been my natural first choice of song.). I have emerged only slightly battered with one nasty-ish graze to my left shin (I had to climb a rock wall on the night of the wedding. After six Champagnes it seemed like the right thing to do.). So it's been a blast. And now I am about to split this sandy, palm treed pocket of pleasantness, and head for the big smoke. Holy shit. Over the last two days, amongst the Mai Thais and Tradewind cocktails, I have definitely been feeling some freaky fears bubbling up. Now is the time when my independence and my personal strength will be tested. Will I be exposed as a weakling? Or will I punch above my weight? I'm happy to say though, today I'm feeling strong. It's all happening baby. New York, I am ready to rock and roll.

Aloha rock star.

I am in a stretch...limo? A stretch something anyway. I have just cleared US customs where the first words the customs officer said to me were "You look like you should be a rock star". How right you are you clever lady. Combined with my blinging transportation, it seems the Hawaiian leg of my most excellent adventure has gotten off to a good start. The limo was a complete fluke of course. It was just the next cab off the rank. Could rock stardom be the next cab off the rank for me? Well I'm glad things are going a little better. Because in actual fact my trip started rather disastrously, with my having to cough a painful $750 in excess baggage fees. Damn you budget airlines, and damn my inability to travel light. I must work on that. Oh well. Aloha Hawaii. Let's get this party started.

And we're off.

It's 5.29am. I'm at the airport, puffy bug-eyed and croaky-voiced (early starts have never been my strong point). Despite definitely needing more sleep, I am excited and happy, a relief from the agitated freakout that has been my underlying and sometimes all-consuming mood for the last few days. Since officially leaving work last Friday (I am unemployed for the first time in my adult professional life) my life has been a mad scramble of packing and list ticking, punctuated by leaving parties, that while extremely fun, have made my daytime tasks all the harder for their residual hangovers. Yes, it seems storming, brain nullifying hangovers have tip-toed/gallumphed back into my life, but I'm not going to talk about that right now. Right now I am more concerned with the fact that I am about to board a plane to Christchurch, the hometown I have not seen since before bone-rattling earthquakes literally shook it to its foundations. I am excited to be seeing my family, and excited that this marks the beginning of my epic journey to who knows precisely where. But I am a little apprehensive as to what will greet me when I touch down. It's okay though. Surely it's better to know the reality of a situation rather than let your imagination run wild?
And so my time in Sydney is almost done for now, which feels a little crazy after 10 odd years. Ridiculously, and quite predictably, over the past few weeks I have suddenly begun appreciating Sydney's particular charms all over again. Pulling crisp, dazzling, blue-skied, golden-lighted Autumn days out of the bag consistently, this pretty city has done a good job of displaying her allure. The crowd of small, cool bars that now populate Sydney's social scene have also played excellent host to many a fun event. And my friends have come out in force, opening my eyes to the true beauty and quality of the people I know. I have been happily surprised and genuinely touched by just how many truly great people I can call my friends, and by the evidence that people such as these actually care for a gal called me. My whole recent experience leaves a very pleasant aftertaste, but does make me wonder why I am leaving at all. But I suppose it is because of the momentum brought by swinging into NYC action, and the fresh energy that has been flooding my brain as I contemplate complete newness, that much of the goodness has been coming together. And at this stage, even if I wanted to I couldn't turn back. So whatever with the what ifs. My adventure awaits. It is time to hit the road.

Song!

After what feels like a lifetime of faffing around (not pissing around mind you), I now have the final mixed and mastered version of my track Take The Ride. So have a listen. I'm going to leave the demo version up here too, just for comparison's sake - it's kind of profound the difference all the stuff we've done has made. Def worth the time and money. Feel free to let me know what you think.