Project three and other stuff.

My, this getting stuff done takes a lot of doing. It's like for every small bit of reportable progress you make, you do a million tiny tasks to get there. Since we last spoke (spoke?) I have been inching my way towards booking in a studio recording session, revising my book proposal and completing various items for my new website. Website? What's all that about? Maybe I should tell you about project number three. My third project is project NewYork Fuckin City. Ultimately, my aim is to go there, get a job, find myself an incredible, beautiful, cool-minded man, and live happily ever after in my favourite city in the world. To start with though I'm focusing on just getting there and finding a way to stay. My new website is the first part of the plan. I am putting it together (or more correctly my adorable friend Niccola is) to showcase my professional work and my other personal projects. It's an important weapon for killing it on the job hunting front. And it's not far off being ready to roll. But as I said, these things take time. Every day though I am setting myself a handful of tiny tasks, and provided I get them done, I am moving forward.
Meanwhile, I have been happily not drinking, exercising and trying (quite unsuccessfully) not to succumb to too many pre-Christmas chocolate attacks. I say happily, which is true. But that's not to say I haven't had moments to ponder my latest non-drinking stance. Yesterday, for example, we had our work Christmas party, a long lunchy affair at a venue elegantly jutting over the ocean at the end of a lovely golden beach. A very pretty spot. It was a weird thing, because while I really, truly felt no desire to drink, I did get small attacks of 1. not being a real part of the larger gang and 2. feeling a bit bored with the prospect of what the afternoon really held for me. But from my position now, I also knew the answers to those problems. 1. if alcohol consumption is the sole thing that gets you in the gang, I'm happy forming my own, and 2. I'm not prepared to feel horrendous anymore in exchange for whatever it is alcohol thinks is a good time. It's kind of like I've come up against this sort of awful truth, that alcohol or not, sometimes you find yourself facing boredom. The aim I suppose is to try and avoid boring situations as much as possible. Find people who really interest you, go to events you really want to go to etc. I guess I'm going through a phase at the moment of easing my head into a new zone again with the non-drinking thing. I might have a moment where I think, hmm, a glass of red wine might be nice right now, but then I remember that a glass of red wine will not make me feel nice tomorrow. I seem to be quite a slow learner, but bit by bit I think I'm getting there. I have wondered though what it is about me that makes me so absolutist. Why does it have to be all or nothing all the time? Why does it have to be either completely tightly controlled or completely out of control? Why can't I do any form of medium? Will I ever be able to? At the moment the way I'm looking at the drinking sitch is that it's not a matter of never drinking again necessarily. But it is a matter of not touching the stuff until I have well and truly achieved some of my goals. (Even that though sounds retarded to me. Why, if not drinking had helped me turn my dreams into an awesome reality, would I then go and fuck shit up by drinking again?) I also reserve the right, should a hot date with an equally hot boy arise, to drink something to take the edge off. Ah and there I've gone and done it again. I've turned this into another boring rant about me and drinking. Sometimes I really wish I could be a little less aware of my every frickin move (drink, meal, exercise session, adherence to whatever rule I happen to be applying at the time) and just relax. But as it happens I'm currently on a mission. Three actually. There will be plenty of time for relaxing once I have reached my first little cluster of destinations.